Now then, welcome to me website!

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keith-platt-2012-mayYou are now entering the wonderful world of Keith Platt - the worlds only Professional Yorkshireman and king of common sense. My job is dispensing opinions, advice and bloody funny stuff to comedy audiences, festival crowds and petrol station staff all over the world and I actually get paid for that, bloody marvelous.

Here you can find out all about me life story, where me next gig is, watch a clip of me in action on YouTube or even purchase some exclusive Keith Platt tat. It's not tat it's great stuff it's just tat rhymes with Platt and me manager insists that if we're going to shift any of this stuff and make any bloody money we needed to make it catchy.

He also said I have to do a disclaimer as well in case any humourless bastards rock up here by mistake and get offended (note to humourless bastards, get a life) so here goes:

All opinions expressed are my own. I am not a racist, sexist, Man United fan, classist, genderist, homophobe, I do not preach hate of any kind I love people. Even if you're from lancashire (no capital letter on purpose) I'll give you a chance. I'll push you under a bus but I'll tell you I'm going to do it.

One last thing, if you're offended by swearing it's probably best you fuck off now.